You’re probably too young, but eons ago, there was a financial services firm called EF Hutton. They had these famous commercials where two people would be talking about stocks and stuff, somewhere crowded. Then one of them would say, “Well my brokerage is EF Hutton. And EF Hutton says…”
Then, the crowd around them would stop what they were doing and lean in to listen to the conversation. Brilliant!
Well, in the NBA (and in life), there are certain people whom I like to label as “EF Huttons”. When they talk, I listen. Almost without fail.
For example, Barack Obama. The man has a speech, I listen. Often times, Michael Jordan, since he’s sort of off the radar now. For business and entrepreneurship, Mark Cuban. And more recently, Anthony Kim, soon-to-be golf superstar and therefore, future Asian-American role model.
Now, when David Stern talks, the Poor Man’s Commish definitely listens. He’s the quintessential CEO, in the greatest game ever invented, on the most important platform of the greatest game ever invented.
Recently, he admitted to SLAM Magazine that he has a subscription, believe it or not. He also has a really cool interview with Hoop Magazine, in which my favorite parts will become self-evident below.
Not to be narcissistic (show me one person who has a blog who isn’t!), but I thought I’d spice up this edition of EF Hutton with Hoop Magazine’s interview done as if they had interviewed the Poor Man’s Commish. More proof that what happens in the NBA, often times happens in Dream League as well. Also, no one ever interviews me and I don’t have a posh office downtown nor do I have employees whom I can engage in water-cooler conversation, so this is just a way to break out of my daily anti-social conundrum!
Actually, it’s not so bad. I get to drop off, pickup, and squeeze those lovable cheeks of my little tyke at school each and everyday. One of the perks of being the Poor Man’s Commish. With that, let’s ask every kindergartener’s favorite imaginary buddy, Mr. Nobody, to do the interview…
:24 MR. NOBODY: Happy belated birthday! How did you celebrate?
PMC: Well, if you’re asking about my birthday which was months ago, I actually celebrated it by scorekeeping games. I kid you not. But hey, it’s my passion. It really is.
:23 MR. NOBODY: Exciting. Did they have a cake for you at least?
PMC: Believe it or not, despite my name, I tend to not prefer rich desserts such as cake. Cheesecake will actually make me nauseous. Anyhoo, my family counters this by ordering ice cream cake.
:22 MR. NOBODY: Do players, coaches or owners send you birthday cards?
PMC: Um, I don’t think anybody even knows my birthday. And if you’re looking for it on Facebook, sorry, but that happens to be the birthday of Dream League, haha!
:21 MR. NOBODY: Did you receive an e-mail from President Obama?
PMC: Actually, he sent me a text. Heh, I wish.
:20 MR. NOBODY: Did the hoop ever get installed in the White House?
PMC: I dunno, ask the Rich Man’s Commish.
:19 MR. NOBODY: How would you evaluate his game?
PMC: According to the video, I’d say he can play in Dream League, for sure.
:18 MR. NOBODY: How neat is it to have the President of the United States be a basketball fan?
PMC: Absolutely perfect. Did I mention that if Harvard makes it to the NCAA’s, he’s likely to be there?
:17 MR. NOBODY: When presidents get away for some relaxation they often go to Camp David. Where is Camp Poor Man’s Commish?
PMC: Uhh, I don’t take vacations. But I do try to make an excuse to go to New York City, because I just love concrete jungles, such as for the annual Gotham Games tournament held by my buddies at Dream League New York.
Rich Man: real deal, Poor Man: clip-on.
:16 MR. NOBODY: Do you have any basketball memorabilia in your home, or do you leave that at the office, so you can get away?
PMC: Funny, but I’m just not a big go-getter in terms of photos, although I’ve had plenty of opportunities. Maybe it’s just ‘cuz I’m simply not photogenic. Or that I’d rather try to remember cool things that have happened to me by memory. But as far as memorabilia, I have a few. I used to keep all the Sports Illustrated magazines I ever had (since back in my day, there was no Internet), but then I threw those out and only kept the ones with Michael Jordan on the cover. I still have the NBA synthetic ball that was a bust. But no, I don’t need to surround myself with basketball materials.
:15 MR. NOBODY: Do you ever take the subway or go on walks in New York, or is that too difficult? Do you ever take BART or go on walks in the Bay Area, or is that too difficult?
PMC: I’m lucky in that I get to take my daughter to and from school everyday, so I get to walk with her, and I don’t have to commute anywhere. I’m really blessed with avoiding Bay Area traffic, although I did live through the hell of it in my previous life as an Andersen Consulting drone.
:14 MR. NOBODY: Do you wear a disguise? We’ve got to imagine you’re stopped by NBA fans Dream Leaguers everywhere you go.
PMC: A lot of Some people do, but usually they want to complain about one team or one referee [laughs].
:13 MR. NOBODY: Maybe you should grow your beard again.
PMC: I can’t really grow a beard. Fu Man Chu, maybe.
:12 MR. NOBODY: We see you shake hands give pounds a lot at different events. Do you keep a bottle of hand sanitizer in your pocket?
PMC: I got that from Jordan in his playing days. Also, it’s more sanitary.
:11 MR. NOBODY: Do you find it difficult at all to not root during games?
PMC: It’s awful. I have to root for no injuries, no fights, and no calls that incorrectly determine the outcome of a game… Of course, behind closed doors and in front of a TV set, I am allowed to make a lot of noise when applauding good plays. Unfortunately, Dream League isn’t televised, so I really can’t applaud good plays, but I do sit there in quietly approving a good play sometimes.
:10 MR. NOBODY: Do you remember the first NBA game you ever attended?
PMC: My dad took me to a Golden State Warriors game when I was maybe seven. He took me to a few games. We won every single one of them, but the only game I remember was the one we lost, and that one, we had to sit further back than the previous ones. It was against the 76ers and Julius Erving. My only memory of those games was a reverse dunk Dr. J made. The whole crowd got up and was in awe and even cheered. I must’ve been the only one saddened by it because I was such a devout little Warriors fan. It’s funny, but now I look back at it and feel blessed to have it etched in my memory. And the Warriors were wearing their white unis that night, btw. As far as Dream League, I’m sorry to say, no, I can’t remember the first game I scorekept, because after awhile it all becomes a blur.
:09 MR. NOBODY: Who were your favorite Knicks Warriors? Who were your favorite Dream Leaguers?
PMC: Way back when my dad took me, Sonny Parker and Phil Smith. Then I remember distinctly as the Warriors got progressively worse during that era, World B. Free, Lester Conner, Michael Ray Richardson, not necessarily in that order. Then, thankfully, came the Run TMC era. After Chris Webber got traded, I said, that’s it. I’m no longer a Warriors fan. I will root for them, but I won’t pour my heart and soul into them. As for Dream League, the early stars were Terry Omata, Jeremy Lee, Conant Chi, and Hubert Liu. You can still find old mentions of them by Googling our site!
:08 MR. NOBODY: When was the last time you took a shot?
PMC: I’m still playing every Sunday. I only average about three shots a game and I make sure that I’m on a team with a great point guard!
:07 MR. NOBODY: What lessons did you learn at Stern’s Deli from your dad that you carry through to today?
PMC: Practice makes perfect, and that if you got a “B” on your report card, that simply meant you didn’t want an “A”.
:06 MR. NOBODY: Who was your inspiration or role model?
PMC: I was always trying to impress my dad, but I never played well when he was watching. Later on I tried to pattern my game and my shot after Joe Dumars. But then when I discovered some secrets you could learn by taping MJ and watching his footwork, that’s when I really loved the game. Business-wise I spent a previous life in venture capital, so I’ve been a keen observer and practitioner of Silicon Valley ways. But as far as running a basketball-related organization, of course I have to tip my hat to THE Commish, David Stern, especially his demeanor in addressing some of the bigger issues.
:05 MR. NOBODY: Who’s had a bigger impact?
PMC: Oh, Michael Jordan. That’s easy. The world wanted to be like Mike. No one was interested in being like David. Until now. Believe it or not, I enjoy being more like David. It’s a lot more mental and a lot more 24/7 trying to be like David. And therefore, strangely, it’s more challenging. Besides, it’s not possible to be like Mike when you’re past age 32 or so.
:04 MR. NOBODY: Michael brought sponsorships and endorsements to a whole new level. Why doesn’t the Commissioner have any commercials?
PMC: When you’ve been around Silicon Valley, you realize that being the behind-the-scenes guy is a lot of fun. By (stark) contrast, the Dream League New York Commish was born to be in front of a camera.
:03 MR. NOBODY: We won’t ask for a brand, but what type of product would you be a good pitchman for?
PMC: Something very boring like a blue suit, a pair of black shoes and a white shirt a light jacket, a Dream League or otherwise basketball-related t-shirt, jeans, and Air Jordan sandals with no socks. Nothing that anyone is really interested in.
:02 MR. NOBODY: How many ties does the commissioner have?
PMC: I would like to say zero, but I actually have a few in the closet.
:01 MR. NOBODY: Do you ever feel short standing next to these guys?
PMC: What, Dream League guys? Are you kidding me? Half of our leagues are 6-foot-and-under. Sometimes I feel like a tree, although I’m spending 99% of my time sitting behind the scorekeeper’s table.
You might also like:
- EF Hutton / Three-Point Play: Mark Cuban
- Get ready for many more views from beneath the ivory tower
- The Return of Poor Man’s Commish
- 4 (four!) of our Dream League refs make it to the NBA
- David vs Goliath III: Jeremy Lin at Georgetown
- Three-Point Play: Living the high school, college, and pro dream (Barnes, Matsui, Curry)
- David vs Goliath II: Jeremy Lin vs Jerome Dyson
- Ambidextrous basketball players
